|
|
| Managing Holiday Stress |
| By George Anderson, LCSW, BCD |
| Published: 01/07/2002 |
|
The psychological impact of the September 11, attacks have dramatically increased our vulnerability to holiday stress. 'The vast majority of Americans, even those geographically removed from the incident, had increases in stress related symptoms immediately after the September 11 attacks,' report researchers in the November 15 issue of The New England Journal of Medicine. Research into other disasters shows that the lingering effects of stress symptoms can last as long as two years. This suggests that this holiday season and perhaps others to follow will likely experience an increase in stress related symptoms. The team of researches from UCLA and the Rand Corporation who conducted the above study said the intensity and extent of the stress were because of the enormous scale of the disaster and because most Americans took the terror strikes personally. If you or your family experience feelings of being overwhelmed by the demands of the holidays and relationships seem tense, make a conscious effort to practice the two communication skills of listening 'with your heart' and expressing your feelings clearly. Effective family communication is an excellent coping strategy. It can help families cope with holiday stress. Emotional intelligent listening (listening to the feelings of the speaker) requires concentration, tolerance, sensitivity and rephrasing. Listening is far more difficult than speaking. Silence can be a powerful 'non-verbal' message-communicating acceptance. Sometimes all another person needs from you is to be heard. This is something that can be accomplished by simply 'listening'. Active listening communicates acceptance to the other person if the listener gives undivided attention in such a way that he or she is aware that he is being listened to. Tolerance involves openness and respect for what the other person is sharing and facilitates communication. It is unlikely that you are truly listening if you are judgmental or defensive. During the holiday season, we often experience a mismatch between our resources and our demand to respond to those resources. Hence, we are frequently less tolerant. Rephrasing is an essential feature of active listening. It validates the speaker. It is a way to check out your interpretations of messages received. The best way to do this is to reflect back to the speaker, in fewer words, what the speaker said. You may use expressions like, 'Do you mean...' before restating the speaker's message in your own words or add phrases like 'Is that correct? at the end. In rephrasing, the receiver does not send a message of his own, such as evaluation, logic, advice, analysis, or questions. He feeds back only what he thinks the sender's message meant, nothing more or less. Sensitivity is closely connected to tolerance and is an essential feature of emotional intelligence. It requires paying attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the words being spoken. This includes being sensitive to the nonverbal aspects of communication. Our emotions help us communicate with others. If we look sad or hurt, we are letting the other person know that we need their help. If we are verbally skilled we will be able to express more of our emotional needs and thereby have a better chance of filling them. If we are good at listening to the emotional needs of others, we are better able to help them feel understood, important, and cared about. If your family wants to enjoy the holidays together, it is important to be sensitive to the way other family members feel about the holiday plans. This implies practicing effective communication with others. Effective communication requires expressing as well as listening. Expressing your thoughts and feelings may mean that you need to first listen to yourself. You may ask yourself a series of questions such as ' What I a feeling right now? What would help me feel better, right now? What are my true thoughts about this issue? Then you can state your message as clearly and constructively as possible. Using 'I' messages is an excellent way of taking responsibility for what you feel and communicating your needs clearly. Consider using I- statements instead of you-statements when expressing yourself. For example, you may say ' I would really like to spend the holidays with our immediate family this year' This message is more effective than a you-statement which says, you always want to spend the holidays with your family.' The you-statement is a direct attack on your spouse who probably will respond defensively. I-statements are more likely to keep communication open thereby reducing tension and conflict. While healthy communication is important all year long, practicing effective listening and expressing yourself is especially important during the stressful holiday season. When used in combination with appropriate problem-solving skills including compassion and compromise, effective communication can help create a pleasant holiday experience for the entire family. George Anderson, LCSW, BCD is a Clinical Director with Anderson & Anderson of Los Angeles, California. |
advertise
|
privacy policy
|
add URL
|
about us
|
terms/disclaimer
|
contact us
|
join our team
|
help
Hiring an attorney can present confusing situations for someone. It’s hard to tell whether you’ll get the best service possible in your situation. You likely have a lot of questions. Will your lawyer hand off your matter to someone else? Will your lawyer return your phone calls? It’s hard to know without someone you can trust. If you been Waco insurance claim lawyer you need a lawyer. People in Central Texas have trusted Dunnam & Dunnam for almost 100 years for their most pressing legal concerns. They understand the value of a good advocate. They’re a family helping Waco families since 1925.