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should my daughter visit her mother in jail? is there a benefit to visiting?

 

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Female user xjailnurs 5 posts

http://www.thecrimereport.org/news/inside-criminal-justice/2015-03-measuring-the-effects-of-a-mothers-incarceration

just saw this today.

 
Male user astr591 2 posts

my daughter seems to be taking it fine and she says she has no problem visiting

Daughter seems to be taking her mother being away for a while fine and she does seem a little excited. I wonder why. She even poked some fun at her mom that “she is getting ordered around now” in a clear joking way. My wife was self deprecating about it and didn’t mind.

also, do you think it will make a difference seeing her mom in jail than some random person. Also the person she is seeing in jail being a woman, female like her. Maybe it can make it more real to he

 
Male user frydd666 22 posts

If it were me, and understand I have not been in this position, so it is just my opinion, but I would take her, it is possible that she might see why it is not a good thing to break the law. Also, I don’t know about your wife, but the female inmates we have had usually feel a lot better after seeing their kids. I think that can be very hard on a mother doing time to not be able to see their kids. As far as guards and staff, sometimes they do present an imposing figure, but most of them are actually very nice people. Explain to your kids that the reason they are there is to protect the people inside. Without them, their mother could well be at risk. They are there for her benefit. Maybe they will see the staff in a different light.

 
Svt FordSVT 60 posts

It’s a tough call. If your wife is a good mother, not a junkie, addict or anything like that. Then perhaps yes.
Jail is not for the faint of heart. She may see things, people or bad situations she may remember for along time.
A 14-17 year old should be fine. Your wife made a bad decision. I hope she learns from it!!
Good Luck..

 
Riot helmet Mick 307 posts

He says his daughter is 15 yrs old. So she is not a small child but a young woman I am sure capable of logical reasoning. As for the visiting Room I doubt a 15 yr old will need a “Child Friendly Play Area”.
He says she knows why she is in jail and was rather calm about it.

 
Female user xjailnurs 5 posts

I like those questions!

 
Male user chaplah 1 post

Take several things into account as you decide. Does your wife want your daughter to visit? How ‘child friendly’ an environment is the visiting area? And how much does your child already know regarding her mother’s situation? The child’s age will affect her ability to understand what has occurred.

 
Female user xjailnurs 5 posts

And in fact, the behaviour you are teaching your child is that family support and love is important, even during the worst times.

 
Female user xjailnurs 5 posts

Having worked and done quite a bit of research on re-entry, relationships, family support and success, it is very important for a child to be able to SEE that their mother is alive and well. To have the experience of dealing with the reality, and for a Mother to be able to say, "I made a mistake, and this the consequence. " Will teach more to a child than hiding the truth. Children miss their parents so much, that phone calls, letters and court visits really don’t cut it, as much as a relaxed and engaged visit that in fact should be about the child and NOT about the Mother. A visit is for the Mother to Mother the child during her absence from parenting. I would ask how old the child is, and then gear all information that you give the child based on developmental guidelines, giving information that child can handle, and explaining further as they grow up to understand more about their parent and the event in their life. A prolonged mothering absence in a childs life is not good. It invokes a lot of fantasy on the child’s part, and children tend to think it is “their fault” the parent doesn’t want to see them, that they are the bad ones. Avoid that at all costs. Also, you could seek the advice of a professional on child development, and even consider child therapy or family therapy after Mom returns home.

Now about the Mother, it is proven that people who stay connected and involved with family, get family support and visits, do far better after during re-entry. Isolation, shunning, punishing, and avoidance do not in fact lead to behaviour changes. If your wife has to face her crime openly with her whole family, instead of having a deep hidden secret, it just may help her to change her ways. The first step is admitting you have a problem. If not, you are getting far more information for your families future. Children do not repeat incarceration just because they visit a jail. That’s like saying if I bring my kids to a farm, they will be farmers, or any other analogy you want. Make the behaviours themselves as undesirable, goes a lot deeper than any jail visit will. It doesn’t have to become a family legacy or career path.

 
Male user kalexander060 1 post

Absolutely not! Remember almost “all behavior is learned” but not all learned behavior is a deterrent from other behavior. Your wife is serving only several months incarceration. Frequent phone calls to your daughter, letter writing and various visits to subsequent court appearances should serve the “child-parent” bonding continuity (for the child’s sake). Anything more may prove to be a bad experience(s) for your child and your wife.

Just guessing – was the financial infraction drug or alcohol related? Regardless, your wife will experience some ‘motherly’ anxiety as she misses her daughter, wondering how she is doing etc., may serve to impress upon her the consequences of her actions, it could be worse next time. All while protecting the child; jail is no place to an innocent child, not even to visit. She is too young to be curious about such places, and her curiosity will certainly peak as she wonders about a place her mother is. I would not even explain why "mother isn’t coming home soon!

Protect your child, help teach your wife consequences of crime!!

 
Riot helmet Mick 307 posts

If anything it would show your Daughter that jail is not like some TV shows. It’s not glamorous or a fun place to be. As for being intimidated by the Officers why should she be? Correctional Officers are just the same as ordinary people. They will be courteous and professional. And the other inmates would be having their own visits going on so I doubt they would pay any attention to your daughter.
Your daughter is not going to be sitting in your wife’s cell during the visit but in a dedicated visiting room where Officers will be monitoring the visits so your fear that may feel that whole family is in Jail is just that your fear and an over active imagination.
As for telling your wife to keep quite. If she were to do that she would bring more attention to herself that acting normally.The other inmates would think that behaviour “Odd”.Jails/Prisons run on routine and sameness.Behaving strangely or any way abnormally attracts everyone’s attention because it’s not routine or same.

 
Male user astr591 2 posts

my wife will soon be entering county jail for seven months for a money crime. . I am willing to stick by her and not leave her because I feel She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment. I told my kids she is rightfully serving her punishment which is the right thing for her mistakes. I am wondering what is the best way to prepare for this situation and how to handle it. I have a daughter who is 15 and she seems to be handling it fine. I told her right away about it and she reacted pretty calmly. She later joked about how her mother is “getting ordered around now”. I think it is just a joke and I think it is better to be that way instead of being hysterical about it . I was originally not going to let her visit her mom in jail because I would think exposing her to that environment is not a good idea but I am actually hearing that it is a good idea to let her visit but why? isn’t it a bad idea to let a 15 year old be exposed to a jail. She could easily be intimidated by the guards and inmates and just the area. My wife says bring her if she wants to visit but don’t if she doesn’t. She says she doesn’t have a problem visiting but I am not sure. Also I want to make sure it doesn’t feel like the whole family is in jail

also, should I tell my wife to keep quiet in jail? I would hope she doesn’t talk to anyone there.

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