This article is based on conversations with a married friend caught in a web of an intoxicating attraction to a coworker. It is presented with my friend’s permission.
You called me in a frantic state of mind, rightfully frightened about what seemed to you to be an irresistible attraction to a married fellow worker. You could not understand how you, a straight-laced, conservative woman could have been flooded with what felt to you like overwhelming romantic fantasies about your colleague. You described spending hours obsessing about that person, wondering why you were “in love” with him, and what you should do about it. Read more…
ctudor Boundaries, family family, happiness
The following quotes grabbed me the past few days.
As usual, the best is simple, and the wisdom of the ages is upside down (or right side up). So here they are! Read more…
ctudor Sanity Tips happiness, Leadership
Research, personal experience and history testify that one of the most effective ways to weather tough times and stay sane is to have good relationships. Good relationships form a safety net under us. They are a refuge, a place to refuel, a way to give and to receive, and a means to be held accountable.
Corrections work only too often takes its toll on relationships, as weary staff tend to lash out in anger or withdraw in reaction to even minor irritations. Read more…
ctudor Sanity Tips family, happiness
The other day my friend Paul, a corrections professional, told me that he once was a tender-hearted, warm person. “Now,” he mused, “after 16 years in corrections, I feel shut down. If somebody really hassled me I might feel some anger. Otherwise I’m a flat line. I can’t feel much inside, either good or bad. In a way it’s easier not to be getting worked up over things, but I know something’s not right!” He added, “Linda keeps complaining that I’m too distant with her and the kids.”
“What do you think happened?” I asked.
Paul’s answer came after a long pause. “I think I just got too used to keeping myself under control in order to remain professional.” Read more…
ctudor Smart Living corrections officers, happiness, self-care
“A clown is like an aspirin, only he works twice as fast.” Groucho Marx
“A cheerful heart is good medicine.” King Solomon (Proverbs 17:22)
Most adults laugh 0 to 50 times a day. Researchers recommend 100 to 400 laughs a day. (Four-year-olds’ level). Read more…
ctudor Sanity Tips happiness, self-care
As in other branches of law enforcement, sexual involvement is not uncommon between corrections employees who are married or in otherwise committed relationships. These behaviors cause a multitude of complications in the workplace and can also wreak havoc in people’s personal lives.
Here are some thoughts as to why corrections staff may get entangled in such relationships, even after they have witnessed similar situations ending in shipwrecks. Read more…
ctudor Boundaries attitude, happiness, integrity
Years ago I was told that the only way I was going to get though life sane was to do one day at a time. Being someone who likes to plan ahead and cover the bases for all kinds of possibilities (including worst-case scenarios), I found the statement ONE DAY AT A TIME at first to be naïve, overly simplistic. Yet looking back on my life now I see how putting this principle to practice was the only way I made it when faced with undertakings that intimidated me and made me shake in my boots. Read more…
ctudor Sanity Tips attitude, happiness, self-care
Have you heard the saying, “It is more blessed to give than to receive?” It’s true! It’s really, really true! I can attest to the fact that giving has gotten me out of funky moods, expanded my perspective, and enlarged my heart. There is even a study that used a brain scanning procedure called fMRI which showed that giving money to a charity activated pleasure-related regions in people’s brains. Read more…
ctudor Sanity Tips attitude, happiness
While growing up my grandma repeatedly quoted to me the ancient Greek saying, There is nothing bad without some good mixed in with it. (The way you say it in Greek is, Outhen kakon amiges kalou.) The English equivalent is, There’s a silver lining in every cloud. So since early on in my life I was taught to identify positives in the midst of negatives. This practice has contributed greatly to my sanity to this day.
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ctudor Sanity Tips attitude, happiness, Positive Psychology
Recently two correctional workers and I were discussing what helps staff stay “sane.” Without hesitation both said, “Correctional workers must be able to switch their mindset from work to home.” One added, “I learned how to live in two very different worlds and still not lose ‘me’.”
Indeed, corrections personnel live in two worlds. These worlds are like two sheets of music. Daily staff is asked to switch from one tune to the other. These two worlds involve very different assumptions about what is expected, how people must behave, and what constitutes a “good day.”
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ctudor Smart Living corrections officers, happiness, self-care
